Are you the type of person who used to confront people whom you find gossiping about you? Or have you ever experienced being in a situation wherein you easily pissed off on someone? Admit it or not, most people experienced this scenario at least once in their lives. However, what if you noticed that you tend to overreact over small things than the usual? You may not know yet but you might be experiencing situations that needed you to focus more on the things that can keep you calm rather on things that might make you lose your temper.
Here are the tips to help you deal with temper issues and manage to confront people more effectively.
1. Stop, think and back off- whenever a person loses his or her own temper, they tend to scream at the top of their lungs. The outcome is that no point has been said effectively since no word can get in to their screams. What you need to do is take a moment and think whether that person you are having a fight with is really worth your effort and energy getting upset over. Do not fight back or shut down in the same manner as the person screaming at you. Rather, wait for him or her to cool down or much better, remove yourself from the situation before you do something you might regret in the future. This might sound a bit hard to do at first. But rest assured that it will be much easier for you to calm down and communicate with the person effectively if you try this simple step of stop, think and back off.
2. Give yourself a “me time”- spending time alone when you are experiencing temper issues helps you rethink the situation more effectively. Most of the time, angry people are just hurt people. In order to calm you down, give yourself some moment to spend alone. You may try listening to your favorite music, going for a run, calling a friend or even crying it out loud.
3. Articulate your thoughts clearly- in order for the offending party to hear and understand your point, it is important to collect your thoughts and articulate it as clearly as possible. Most of the time, the most effective way for you to easily understand by your peers is to make them see your softer side and make them understand why you’re hurt. This will help them realized what they've done wrong and eventually ask for reconciliation.
Tip: Use “I” statements during confrontation. This will enable you to reach out to the opposing party what you really feel about the situation. For instance, instead of saying “You are a total crap for getting these people without my permission”, try using statements like “I feel disrespected for inviting people over the house without discussing it with me first”. Your statement can solve or even worsen the scenario.
4. Forgive, try to forget and move forward- there is a saying that it is much easier to forgive than to forget. If you still can’t afford to forgive the person who wronged you, realized that it won’t help if we harbor hatred in our heart. So the most effective way to move forward is to forgive the person. Especially if you feel that the person has genuinely apologized, forgive him or her and move on with your life.
Being in a situation where you are caught confronting your peers can make or break your relationship with them or even with other people. Learning how to deal with temper issues the right way is essential to help you know yourself better and be a better person in the future. Once you learn these techniques, it will be much easier for you to express your feelings well without making any confrontational fights with anyone.